• When you have a headache or are sick, either take something for it or go to the doctor.
• When you are sick, the world does not revolve around you.
• Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big boy. Show some consideration and put it down where you found it.
• Also, when you have to go, go IN the bowl, not around it.
• If you must scratch or adjust, please wait until you can go into a bathroom. It can't be so urgent that you have to make the whole world watch.
• Sometimes there are better things to do besides watch sports on TV. Really.
• If your team loses, life will go on.
• Just because you only see 16 colors doesn't mean we have to limit ourselves. Mauve is a great color.
• Try to expand your cultural horizons once in a while. It might be painful at first, but watching a show, or a foreign film, or eating a different kind of food will NOT kill you. We promise.
• Don't get mad if we cut our hair. We own our hair, you don't.
• We love shoes. Get over it.
• When we ask you for help in picking out what to wear, it is because we want to look nice for you. Certainly you have an opinion. (You have opinions on plenty of other things.) Why won't you say what it is?
• There is no point in yelling at the stupid commentators on TV. They can't hear you and wouldn't care anyway.
• Learn to use a calendar. It is quite simple. The numbers never go beyond 31. And the nice, big boxes are for writing reminders in. You do know how to count and write, don't you?
• Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not opportunities for you to buy that power tool you always wanted and to try to give it to us as a present. Use some imagination to pick a gift, or ask one of our sisters or girlfriends for help.
• If you must ogle other women, at least do so without hanging your tongue out, too.
• We like to know what you are thinking, because we care about you and are interested in you. Admittedly, sometimes we forget that you aren't thinking about anything. But we do want to catch that one thought you have every week or so; consequently, we'll ask. Particularly if you look like you are thinking. (Note to self: the absent look on his face means he's *not* thinking.)
• If you say something mean, don't expect us to just smile and forget it.
• If something is wrong, and you don't say what it is, don't expect the problem to go away by itself. Holding it inside, then exploding is not the answer.
• Sometimes we get upset and cry. We do that.
• There is nothing unmanly about having emotions and sharing them. It is actually healthy and helps build a relationship. Don't be afraid to tell us how you feel.
• Relationships develop between two people who get to know each other by talking and doing things together. Sharing thoughts and experiences. Not just by being physically on the same planet.
• We like to build the emotional side of the relationship before sex. We don't use sex as a way of getting emotionally close. We know this is a stretch for you, but you can learn to accept it.
• Some questions require more than one word answers. You do know more words than "Yes", "No", "OK", and "Uh". We can lend you a thesaurus if that will help.
• Learn to watch TV without the remote in your hand. Think of it as mental-toughness training.
• If we want to talk to you, why do we have to wait for a commercial break? Pretend-people and made-up situations shouldn't take the place of real life.
• Understand that the models in magazines are something like 25% thinner than the average woman. We try not to be influenced by the constant bombardment of these images but it is hard. Be understanding if we feel insecure about how we look.
• So -- don't ask us to dress in Victoria's Secret attire unless we have perfect bodies. Just don't.
• We don't like porn and don't want you to like it either. Sorry. Life is tough.
• We are not your mother.
• Don't make us remind you to clean up after yourself. (See rule immediately above.)
• Maturity is sometimes required of adults. Life really is tough, isn't it?

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2002 Questions and Answers for Lovers